office monkey blog

Kind of Disturbing

2006-11-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

I think Cleopatra just ate something nasty.

Lisa Writes for AOL

2006-11-10T16:04:00.000-08:00

I'm a hustler, baby!
I just want you to know.
It's not where I've been,
but where I'm 'bout to go..."

Seriously, not to toot my own horn, but yeah, I'm about to go on 'head and toot it. One of my most recent on-the-side writing gigs was to do some snarky photo commentary for AOL Music's feature, "The Glamorous Life of..." featuring various musical artists.

I recently did the series for "The Glamorous Life of Christina Aguilera," and wanted to share it with y'all.

Some Good, Wholesome Internet Nonsense

2006-11-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

It's not so much that the infamous former figure skater, Tonya Harding, has her own website. That's to be expected.

It's more that she has a section on the site dedicated to sexual fantasies her "fans" have written about her. According to the site, there are 1532 fantasies posted to date.

You MUST promise me to read at least one. Bonus points for anyone who actually bothers to write one.

Sporting the mom jeans and the crispy perm, Tonya is definitely one classy lady.

TMZ One-Year Anniversary Party

2006-11-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

I told Wayne that I'm starting to feel like we look related. It was a trash-tastic event, abundant with reality-tv celebrities and good times.

This last one is a video of all the D-Listers who showed up long enough to get themselves videotaped being at the party. For more pix of the event (as well as the reality TV stars we got to meet), check out Liquid Lunch Podcast.

Lisa T. Takes Her Ass to The People's Choice Awards Nominations

2006-11-07T14:15:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, it was picture time for Lisa T. and Wayne Ford when we woke up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning to go celeb-hunting at The 33rd Annual People's Choice Awards Nominations. I'm so sorry if you've seen this pic before, but I just love it so much.

Click here to see the post on A Socialite's Life with our first batch of pix. More pix should be up by this afternoon on the Liquid Lunch Podcast website this afternoon.

Until they're posted, however, feel free to enjoy our latest podcast, which we just posted earlier today.

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Sexy, No?

2006-11-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

So, I recently got a friend request from one Ms. Tila Tequila, but I don't know if I'm interested in adding her, mostly cause I have a policy of not adding anyone I don't actually know. But, when I clicked on her request to see who it was, I noticed this chick in her top 8.

I love this picture so much. It's moderately bad enough to almost actually be good, except that it's like this sexy cat who looks like she lives on a farm. If it were a porn, the gist might be that she's a horny pussy who happens to live on a dairy farm and whose sexual frustration is amplified by the fact that she's surrounded by nothing but Moo Cows who just sit and complain about how sore their teats are from all the milking.

At night, she sneaks out and has wild, passionnate sex with a guy in a Wolverine costume, only she meant for him to get a more convincing-looking one, but this is the only one the prop master had the budget for and it actually ends up being very effective since both of their costumes are made out of such flimsy plastic that they pretty much dissolve once they start dry-humping each other.

Additionally, I'd like to point out that I originally thought she was using a cane to prop herself up into that pelvis-jutting-out-to-the-side stance she has going on there, until I realized it was actually nunchucks.

Celebrities in Pictures

2006-11-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

MSN.com's Feature, this week in photos had some really great pix of celebs in and around the Halloween season. Check it.

First off, there's Rachel Weisz at a Halloween bash, looking like a super-serious, if not somewhat confused Minnie Mouse. I love how she looks like she's giving sexy-face for a perfume ad or something.

Perhaps these mouse ears are the latest from Burberry's very fashionable headwear collection for the fall. I also love that there's nothing about her make-up that would indicate that she is wearing a costume. I hope that from the neck down, she's dressed in a Valentino ball-gown.

Her gentle confusion is also quite adorable. As if maybe she hadn't actually planned on wearing a costume of any sort, and someone secretly placed those ears on her as she was walking out her door as a sort of prank. "Why is everyone calling me Minnie?" her expression seems to say.

And here we have a side-by-side comparison of beach bunny, Pamela Anderson and the ever-incorrigible, Courtney Love. Now, Courtney seems to be looking mad normal these days, what with her titties concealed and her hair not looking like she styled it with Elmer's glue and/or hobo cum. However, Pam, I might add, is looking a little bit worn around the edges. And in a strange twist of fate, it seems Pam's looks have degraded at the same rate at which Courtney's seem to be mildly improving so that they appear to have almost reached the same level of attractiveness.

Why do I love this picture so much, you may ask? Because this was taken the day AFTER Halloween and Grace Jones is still rocking the Grace Jones costume. Seriously, the woman probably just goes as herself every year. Why the fuck would you bother getting a costume if THIS is the kind of stuff you wear on a daily basis. God, I love you, you crazy bitch.

And my final selection from this batch of pix is this one of Shakira, receiving her Latin Grammy while laughing her ass off. I love Shakira and I think that she is indeed very sexy, but you got to admit the woman laughs like a humongous dork. Endearing though it is, it's a bit Celine Dion-ish.

Even Marc Anthony is looking at the audience like, "Heh. This is a little awkward. I mean, that joke wasn't really that funny--I was just trying to get her to relax and not think about all these people on stage. But now, she's laughing like someone at the dinner table just sharted AND accidentally shot milk out their nose at the exact same time."

Kristie Alley Bikinis It Up on Oprah

2006-11-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

In a scenario fitting of my most horrific personal nightmare, Kristie Alley actually had the balls to keep her promise to Oprah and appear on the hit daytime talk show, sporting a bikini as well as a much more svelte bod than the one she was rocking during her "Fat Actress" days.

Kudos, chica! Here's to a bitch rocking stilettos, ho!

Employee of the Month Strikes Again!

2006-11-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

For those of you in the L.A. area, please save the date for Employee of the Month's upcoming performance. We're going to be celebrating the comedy of Studio 60, by performing their sketches as we would like to imagine they would have been written and performed in their entirety.

WHEN?
Friday, November 17th @ 8PM

WHERE?
The Westside Eclectic in Santa Monica.
1323-A 3rd Street
Santa Monica

Please, please, please come and check out this show. It's probably going to be a one-time performance and we're worried Studio 60 will get cancelled before we get a chance to do something this fun again!

Gwen Stefani in Studio - "Wind It Up"

2006-11-02T23:25:00.000-08:00

How much do I love Gwen Stefani? It's really hard to say. Especially after I watched this little webisode of her in the studio working on her most recent single, "Wind It Up." She is so adorable, beaming her face off, as she carries her little baby boy around, clearly happy out of her mind that she is a mommy. So cute.

Also, I don't recognize that other guy in the studio with her and Pharell, but am I crazy, or does he totally look like a young Tim Robbins?

For some reason, I just love hearing her talk. Plus, her hair's always fucking great. So, I invite you to enjoy the Stefani wholesome goodness along with me.

I think you can watch more webisodes (they seem to be adding more of them as time goes on) if you click here.

Got An Olive Problem?

2006-10-31T11:06:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like my friend, Wayne, then your love of filthy martinis has left you with jars of olives in your fridge, just sitting there, juiceless and lonely.

So, I endeavored to find a recipe to solve this problem. And it came, courtesy of Food Network.

Enjoy!

GREEN OLIVE TAPENADE
Recipe courtesy Pilar Sanchez
2 cups Spanish green olives
2 tablespoons capers
7 fresh Spanish marinated anchovy fillets
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 teaspoon finely chopped parsley
1/2 cup olive oil

Put all ingredients except olive oil in food processor and pulse until thoroughly pureed. Add olive oil and pulse until incorporated. It says it should take about 12 minutes to make.

And for those of you not interested in the fishy flavor, I have a feeling that the anchovy fillets are optional.

It's A Halloween Podcast!

2006-10-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

Hey kiddies! How much does it suck that Halloween is on a Tuesday? :( But have no fear, we're here to cheer you up with no small consolation. You get to to have you some Liquid Lunch!

If you're at work, you might want to turn the volume down. Particularly for this episode. For some reason, we were intent on using lots of profanity. Probably because it's so much fun.

LISTEN HERE!

Oh yes.

2006-10-30T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's like looking into a beautiful, all-too familiar mirror comprised of a collage of all the best aspects of this million dollar visage.

Want to see what famous celebs you resemble? Then have some fun over at MyHeritage.com.

Yum. Jelly-cheese sandwich.

2006-10-30T21:52:00.000-08:00

What makes a Lisa happier than a delicious snack? That's right, getting a shout-out, interview-style.

In a recent interview with Associated Content, I got to wax poetic about blogging. Check it out:

While the cliche of the bored and frustrated office worker is pretty well worn territory (mostly by the great movie "Office Space"), there are a few sources that still present a fresh voice for those laboring at the copy machine and the multi-line phone. One such source is the blog "Office Monkey" (http://being_lisa_t.blogspot.com/), which criticizes the foibles of pop culture icons on behalf of young office workers nationwide...

For the rest, click here.

The L.A. Sketch Riot Wants YOU!

2006-10-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

This goes out to all of you sketch comedy troupes!

Employee of The Month is seeking sketch comedy groups to participate in the first ever L.A. Sketch Riot, 3 days of Sketch Comedy (Dec. 8th, 9th and 10th).

We are looking for groups to do 30 minutes of sketch comedy for a fun festival at the Westside Eclectic.

NO ENTRY FEE.

You don't have to send us a tape, if you have a website with video, YouTube, or something online anywhere to apply.

SUBMISSION DEADLINE: NOVEMBER 15TH, 2006!!!

For more information on how to apply, please check out the L.A. Sketch Riot website.

Living My Life Faster

2006-10-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is supposed to be the result of an 8-year photo project, in which this guy took his portrait every day since 1998. I have no idea if it's legit or not, but if it's fake, then hey, that took a lot of effort too, so kudos.

My Lunch Snack

2006-10-26T16:10:00.000-07:00

AWESOME.

My new favorite toy

2006-10-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

OMG, OMG, OMG! Not since receiving my iPod nano for Christmas last year have I been so excited! Combining my love of gadgetry, along with my obsession for running, the Nike + iPod epitomizes the ultimate in Lisa's nerdy loves.

This has apparently been out since July, but I didn't find out about it until this morning and it took a grand total of one hour from the time I did, until I had purchased it directly from the Apple store.
Unfortunately, it's not the Gel Asics + iPod, which would make me VERY happy, but it's all good, cause I've made a little cozy out of leftover pink shoelaces (don't ask why I have those just hanging around, I'm actually not sure anymore...) on my shoes for my little sensor to rest whilst I run.

However, if you're interested in purchasing a little holder for your shoe sensor, then the Marware Sportsuit Sensor looks like a pretty good one. Plus, you don't have to make a cozy for each shoe--you can just put it on different shoes.

US Weekly Giving Me Some Love

2006-10-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Holy Condaleeza Rice! I'm so happy!

A blog post I wrote yesterday got a mention on US Weekly's Blog.

Because I'm Just That Retarded

2006-10-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

I recently found this (I know, I know, it's been up for a while now...) and, in keeping with my Tyra Banks/ANTM obsession, I felt the need to share it with you guys.

I've already messaged my boyfriend and my mother, and you're probably next, whoever you are, reading this.

It's Pumpkin-Carving Time

2006-10-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me well, you know that one of my favorite Halloween activities is cutting up a pumpkin. It's always been a challenge for me to try and come up with a realistic and hopefully scary-looking jack-o-lantern that will really scare the kids.

This year, I've decided that the scariest visage which I can put on an unwitting pumpkin would be that of none other than the fabulously terrifying Tyra Banks.

Any kids coming to my apartment will be greeted with the solemn announcement that they are still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Trick-or-Treater. Unless I'm not holding their picture in my hand. In which case, they will have to pack their things and leave the loft IMMEDIATELY.

If you really loved me...

2006-10-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

...you'd do it.

In the hopes of getting ourselves some more attention, we're up on VH1's Best Link Ever and would love for all of you drunken, adoring fans to scootch on over here and give us a vote.

That is, if you really love us as much as you CLAIM you do.

Liquid Lunch Ep. 3

2006-10-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

Maybe we'll get this right the third time around...

Wayne and I have put out a third episode of what we like to think of as "the drinking game that never stops."

Check it out, kiddies!

Just Another Reason To Love Craigslist...

2006-10-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, this shit is highly amusing, and I'm posting it mostly because I thought it was ridiculous and you all would enjoy it, but I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I was totally thinking that would be a pretty easy way to make a hundred bucks.

Luckily, I'm not yet ready to stoop quite that low.

Yet.

Lisa's Red-Headed Slutty Stepchild Recipe

2006-10-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz Jagermeister®
Cranberry juice

Basically, from the research I've gathered, it's the Jagermeister and the cranberry juice that really constitute the essence of the shot, and possible substitutions (depending on taste, and/or desire for a stronger or weaker drink) for the peach schnapps in the recipe include, Crown Royal and/or Southern Comfort.

Heck, basically, whatever works for you! As long as it's got red hair and is slutty!